ODE TO A CENTENARIAN

Author’s note:  Punditry is often negative.  Critical. Judgmental.  Argumentative. This piece is different.  Psychology deals with maladjustment, hidden motivations, unhappiness and peeking beneath the mask.   Positive psychology looks at the other side:  the well-adjusted, the happy, and people free of affectations.  Centenarians are generally role models for these behaviors, which helps explain their longevity.   

                   

     I        

Life is fragile, yet you survived.

While others succumbed

To disease, trauma, accident or human frailty.

You overcame them all.

Not laughing in in the face of adversity,

But transcending it.

Oh, how you transcended it,

You who lived one-hundred years.

You’ve been extraordinarily resilient to loss.

You had to be. 

     All your friends died.

     Your spouse died.

     Even some of your children died.

    Yet you go on.

    And on.

    You are an institution.

You lost your youth, your vigor, your strength,

And much of your productivity.

But these loses did not plague your years.

You lost your familiar world; you watched it transform

     Socially

     Morally

     Culturally

      Stylistically

     Economically

     Technologically.

You flowed with the change.

     Wistful about the past.

     Interested in the present.

     Curious about the future.

You accepted the losses as the way of all things,

     Without fear.

     You accepted them with a positive spirit.

     Not with resignation,

    But with a philosophical joy.

                     II

You relate to people as naturally as you breathe;

     Effortlessly.

     With neither fear nor hesitation.

     Without rancor or affectation.

You perceive people as reasonable and worthy of trust.

You are a creature of community.

     You revel in the fellowship of other.

     You refrain from critical judgment.

     You seek not weakness in others,

     You derive no secret joy from others’ adversity.

You have loved well.

     You could not have lived without it.

     Your love was neither romantic,

     Overly dependent, or saccharine.

     It derived from strength, not weakness

     It was not an ephemeral love in the clouds

     But grounded, solid, natural and enduring

     Like the Earth.

     You loved your spouse, your children, your work,

     And your fellow man.

You are connected with people.

     With work.

     With friends.

     With community.

     With feelings,

     With God.

Your sense of self and place is indestructible…

And comforting.

It gives you strength, and security, and order and…

Certainty.

A certainty rooted in your soul.

               III

You are almost without ego.

     You expend no energy defending your honor to others.

     And even more importantly

     Defending your honor to yourself.

     You do not dry up your life’s juices posturing for the world.

You who lived a century have no demons.

     You do not bristle at slights, real or imagined.

     The world does not threaten.

Your thoughts, feelings and actions are not stifled

     by fears,

     by your past

     by uncertainty

     by doubts

     By unfulfilled dreams.

You are who you are:

      Without pretension

      Without affectation

      Without worry

      Without regrets

While others grunt under the weight

Of their own self-involvement

You are self-Uninvolved.

You simply act without intellectualizing.

Without wondering how it will reflect back on you.

Without hesitation.

You are genuinely unpremeditated.

You are not full of yourself.  You are free.

Free!

You like yourself but do not love yourself.

Unencumbered by ego, you are able to give to others.

Your positive spirit reflects back from them

Giving you even more strength of mind and body.

                         IV

You worked long.  And hard.

And never stopped.

Work was not a vehicle to prove your worth.

It was there.  That’s all.

You conquered no worlds with your work, nor did you want to.

There were few disappointments:

     No unrealized expectations

     No lifetime malaise

     No quiet desperation

     No Vindictiveness

Just a quiet satisfaction in personal utility.

Rancor, cynicism, and hostility were alien.

You were slow to anger, quick to forgive and

Unconcerned about getting your piece of the pie.

You did not “succeed” in the traditional sense of acquiring worldly goods.

You did not compete.

You did not fail.

But you were useful.

Useful!

You often worked alone; it was easier that way.

    No conflict.

    No hassles.

    No challenges.

Just steadiness…and certainty…and order.

     And Satisfaction

You cultivated your own garden

It was small

But it was alive and green.

You sought not false gods.

     Money, power, women (men).

     Prizes, recognition, trophies.

You needed them not at all.

Your unarticulated purpose was not to win.

But to live – in harmony – without contention.

     You have not conquered the world.

     But it has not conquered you.

          A Mexican standoff

          That you won.

                     V

The Why of your life lacks drama

It lacks transcendence.

Your Why is quiet, steady, prosaic.

But incredibly strong.

Your Why is in a good day’s work,

     in Sunday dinner

     in a grandchild’s call

     in Church

     in communion with God.

     in a busy day

     in a busy life

     in modest purpose

     in today

     in tomorrow

    in yesterday.

Your Why ask not why?

     of life

     of death

     of adversity

     of suffering

     of injustice

     of unfairness

It accepts.

You shrug off the evils of the world

Knowing that ultimately justice will be dispensed

In another dimension.

                           VI

Time is your friend

     Bringing memories of a life well-lived

     And holding the promise of more to come.

     You find happiness in the past but do not cling to it.

You are comfortable

     in all times,

     in all places,

     with all people.

Time does not pressure you

You do not race against it

You dance with it

You use time; you are its master

The fact that you now have less of it, matters not at all

You smile at the Reaper and he cringes

He finds no joy in those who do not fear him

Stress is an unknown country.

     While others worry, you worry not

     Your nerves do not jangle

  Your calm is legendary.

Throughout your life, you never hurried.

 Almost as if you knew you had years to spare.

You do not burn with regrets.

     Do not cry over what might have been

     The road not traveled is a road not meant to be

     You accept what is, with its heartaches and failures

     As inevitable.

The life you had was the only one you could have had.

And if it wasn’t good, it was good enough.

While movers and shakers burned themselves out

     You go on.

     You are the meek.

And if you have not inherited the Earth

You have inherited more than its share of time.

                                        VII

You do not count the years

Ticking them off like signposts…

On the way to dusty death.

They pass, almost unnoticed.

Like small towns outside a train window at twilight.

You know the years are behind you

And that the journey is still before you.

You do not deny mortality

It does not haunt your nights.

Instead, it plays mellow on the mind.

You smile at death

Awaiting the opportunity to see loved ones again.

You regret leaving this life

But will depart with satisfaction

Because it was a life-well lived:

     Productive

     Modest

     Simple

     Committed

     Genuine

     Loving

You are at peace and always have been.

You are a monument

And a model for us all.

Ode to a Centenarian is from a book I published.  Change Your Mind, Save Your Life: How your mind affects your health and what you can do about it.   It is based on years of research and writing.  Many studies have been done on centenarians, and they do indeed have a number of common characteristics, most of which are in the poem.  Very few people make it to the century mark; the natural order of things sweeps us away.  Inherent characteristics take us down dangerous roads.  If we can’t be centenarians, we can try to get closer to the ideal.